Science fiction

I love a good science fiction film, but there are things that always puzzle me. Here are a couple.

Why do doors on spacecraft nearly always open automatically? Are crewmen so lazy they cannot open a door?

Yes, I know it’s a lift really, but pictures of people walking through doors are not that interesting

The spacecraft we have had so far in realy have had a problem – weight. Every gram of excess weight needs more fuel. Most of the Saturn V rocket was designed to lift, well, itself. The payload was minute. Surely, excess weight for door opening motors would be avoided at all costs.

And have you noticed, when people want locked doors to open they shoot them with ray guns? And when they want them to lock, they shoot them with ray guns.

And what about transporters? They are amazing things. They are machines that take every molecule of an animate or inanimate object and transfer them instantly to another place where they are reassembled perfectly (except when the plot demands they are not working properly) without mixing them up.

The destination doesn’t even have to be another transporter machine. People just appear anyway (or disappear) from thin air. In fact, you can transport from one place without a transporter to another without a transporter. That’s a miracle.

And they must be so deadly accurate, to within the tiniest fraction of an atom. If a person is being transported onto a surface and is just a little bit too low, their molecules will meld with the molecules of the floor and they will be stuck. Too high above the surface and they will fall the last distance and possibly be hurt.

Zeta One

One of the worst films I think I have ever seen is a late 1960s British B movie called Zeta One. It ‘stars’ Charles Hawtrey, James Robertson Justice, Dawn Addams and very many other recognisable faces.

The plot is, um, a bit hard to follow. There is a secret agent who is playing strip poker with his workmate. He is telling her of a race of superwomen who may be aliens and who are kidnapping other women. Oh look, read about it yourself.

There’s plenty of female softcore nudity from people like Carol Hawkins (ex Please Sir!) and some a very great deal of nipple pastie work from Valere Leon (ex Carry Ons…) and others.

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